Friday, November 13, 2009

Dear Mother-in-Law

I know your son, my husband, doesn't think you are capable of this level of scheming, but you don't fool me for a minute. You are old, but you are incredible ailment-free for an 84 woman. And longevity is a family-trait, lucky you!
You could be SO much more independent, you could give a damn and exercise you body and mind. But you want to be needy and have your son do everything for you, you want him to believe that you can't even warm a dinner up for yourself.
We went away for a weekend, leaving more food than you could have eaten in a week in the refrigerator, but you choose not to touch any of it. I had to throw it all out. You barely ate, and than were too weak to get out of your bed for 2 weeks, needing to be waited on hand and foot by your son to get your strength back up.
I know why you're doing this----you know the time is nearing when we're moving out and you are scheming to make your son feel too guilty for that to happen. I wouldn't have known that you were aware of us planning our moving, but you tipped you hand, you talked to my sister-in-law.
This is what I want to say to you and have it really sink in...Why are you so selfish and inconsiderate of letting your son live the best life he can? Why are you trying to ensure that he has to take care of you in the last 15-20 years he has good health and mobility? If you had your way, he'd be your sole caretaker until your gone, that's a good 15 years or more from now---you don't even have hypertension or high cholesterol!. Fifteen years from now, he's going to be 67 years old, do you think he'll be able to finally do all the traveling he and I have always dreamed of doing now that the kids are grown? Was your husband capable of doing much of anything when he was 67? No, his health was declining. But since your husband had retired at 50, you two did have 15 years of going on great trips and doing just what you wanted. And, even though we can't retire, you are going to rob us of the 15-20 years we could be living life as a couple again. Do things we couldn't do because we had a baby within our first year of marriage. I've waited 30 years to have this time with my husband, and you are trying your damnedest to rob me of it.
Go ahead and play you mind games. He's my husband, before he's your son, in the long-run. You have definitely taught me what not to do to my own children. You should be ashamed of yourself.

With lost respect,
Your daughter-in-law

1 comment:

  1. Sounds like this may have been the deep, cleansing breath you needed right now. This is really good support for the idea that women need to build up their social networks for later in life. I'll expect my kids to stick me in a nursing home if I get too feeble to walk across my house, but other than that I don't want them to have to worry about me. Of course, I fully expect to be quilting and crafting and blogging and going on cruises when I'm in my 80s, so I hope my friends can keep up :-)

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